I must be crazy.
After having two children just 22 months apart I found the early years of their life to be the hardest thing in my life that I have ever done. If asked would I have another one it's always been a very definite no way. Not a chance, would never go back to doing that again.
I'm just getting some of my life back and finding myself now that both children are in school. Then it seems over the last few months I am noticing a number of friends having babies around me. Some of them having their first and some their second. Noticing that I am enjoying visiting them and their beautiful bubs in a way that I have never really enjoyed other people's babies before. Then I find myself feeling like Motherhood has really been a great experience. So much to learn from in being a Mother that I could not get any other way in life.
I have also pulled out some 'old' or not so old videos of my kids from just 3 or 4 years ago in their toddler years and enjoying watching them with my school aged kiddies now. They giggle, I giggle and they love watching themselves on video. They were really cute kiddies, thats not bias either, lol. Then I find myself getting all clucky again.
I love the age my kids are at now. They are growing into independent little humans with a voice of their own, interests of their own and unique personalities that shine a little of each parent out of them both. They are at an age that I had been lokking forward to.
So why do I feel like I want another baby to turn my world upside down with chaos, laughter, tears, laughter, more chaos and more tears? I must be going crazy. My hubby thinks I am going crazy too for wanting to do it all over again too. But I do, so we are in a process of trying to conceive another baby to fill our hearts with more love and joy along with all the hard times that come with having children. Though I feel like I will cope much better than I did the first time around as I am older and more understanding than I was when I was younger, and actually have a much clearer understanding of what its like to raise children. Though I know they are all unique and different in their own way and come with their own special stamp of challenges. But the love and joy that is rewarded far out weighs any of those tough times that come up in having children.
Monday 29 October 2012
Saturday 11 August 2012
Procrastination and overload
I started study this year once number 2 started school and I was concerned for my own well being in how I would cope with having no kids at home and would I get bored and turn into a nagging house wife that stays home all day cooking and cleaning and not wanting anyone to breath on anything as they walk in the door at the end of the day. So I made a choice to keep my mind active and stimulated by learning so much about a topic I've had an interest in for some years, counselling.
The first term was fantastic, I loved everything I learnt and the load did not seem to be too much. I coped so well that I decided I would take on full time study for the second term of the year. Well now I am feeling like my eyes were bigger than my time. I had managed to forget at the time of making this decision that not only the study has to fit into my week, but so does my responsibilities as a mother of two and wife, but also my house does need to be cleaned occasionally, the people and pets in my home need to be fed, plus I actually need to go shopping to be able to to feed them all, plus I help run my hubbies business and to top it all off crazy me accepted the responsibility of becomeing president of the P&C at my kids school. Oh and at some time in my day I do need to get some sleep, shower and feed myself too. Ugh. What was I thinking, or more to the point why was I not thinking. Now that I have managed to completely overload my plate and I know what that actually looks like for me, I am now able to better manage how much I choose to take on (hopefuuly) and not over commit myself to many activities atbone time. Lessons well learnt from this experience as I feel like at times like an absolute reck and want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world for a while.
Though I do wonder if it's just me that is this mad or do other mothers take on way too much at times to and feel like breaking because of it? I do know that I am not the only one that procrastinates getting my assignments done. I wonder though if I do this because I have too much to think about and so then not much of anything in the end gets done. Why do we take on so much and then procrastinate getting it all done and working to our fullest potential?
The first term was fantastic, I loved everything I learnt and the load did not seem to be too much. I coped so well that I decided I would take on full time study for the second term of the year. Well now I am feeling like my eyes were bigger than my time. I had managed to forget at the time of making this decision that not only the study has to fit into my week, but so does my responsibilities as a mother of two and wife, but also my house does need to be cleaned occasionally, the people and pets in my home need to be fed, plus I actually need to go shopping to be able to to feed them all, plus I help run my hubbies business and to top it all off crazy me accepted the responsibility of becomeing president of the P&C at my kids school. Oh and at some time in my day I do need to get some sleep, shower and feed myself too. Ugh. What was I thinking, or more to the point why was I not thinking. Now that I have managed to completely overload my plate and I know what that actually looks like for me, I am now able to better manage how much I choose to take on (hopefuuly) and not over commit myself to many activities atbone time. Lessons well learnt from this experience as I feel like at times like an absolute reck and want to curl up into a ball and hide from the world for a while.
Though I do wonder if it's just me that is this mad or do other mothers take on way too much at times to and feel like breaking because of it? I do know that I am not the only one that procrastinates getting my assignments done. I wonder though if I do this because I have too much to think about and so then not much of anything in the end gets done. Why do we take on so much and then procrastinate getting it all done and working to our fullest potential?
Tuesday 13 December 2011
Reprimand, reward or healthy competition?
Here I am challenging myself to creatively write about a topic on my mind. While trying to respect the diverse thinking in varying minds. Here goes....
I understand that a part of raising healthy resilient children means to raise them to be capable beings that fit into, and conform to societies social structures, and be able to bounce back up after a fall and keep going But how much of what we teach them or how we teach them allows them to be their own creative selfs?
As parents most of us use a reprimand and reward system to shape children into our learnt ideas of 'normal'. I think many of us who don't fit that mold, have many times over in our lives questioned 'what is normal?'.
Now I believe people define them selves on the social position they hold. Unfortunately this also happens a lot through their children. When this unconscious thinking happens, reward and reprimand are used more frequently to mold them. So that what the children do, how they behave, who they hang out with and what they become fits into the expectations of a social position. I believe most of this molding happens a lot more through education. Schools. Where they spend most of their little lives.
Schools also use a reward system to gain higher results and efforts from children. Us parents receive report cards to inform us of our children's progress through school. Then to add to the load the schools give out extra 'special' awards to kids that have put in the extra effort beyond their usual means. Now I ask is the extra effort to suit the child or the school and parents?
I have noticed that these awards breed competition between children. Wanting to be the best or better than that child in a particular area. Even if it's not natural for the child. They are unconsciously learning about competition, power and greed from a very young age.
Each and every brain has the capacity to learn about life through their own individual way of interpreting what they see, hear, touch, feel and taste. I have witnessed the unique difference in my own two children.
I would love to see a system in place that rewards and acknowledges each and every child for his or her unique capabilities and growth. For his or her natural understanding of life. Not to feel like he or she is not ok if they don't meet the expectations of the adults around them.
I know some of this may sound like it contradicts building resilience in children. But I have noticed many adults that have suffered bruises as a child through either not being heard & seen or emotionally damaged by having their own sense of self worth diminished by careers and loved ones around them. To then only live out their own lives wondering why life seems to always be so hard or in constant search for healing. Or even repeating the cycle of events on their own children to suffer too.
Everyone wants to feel accepted as who they are and it starts with our beautiful children.
My own beautiful boy is learning through school about the disappointment of not receiving an award as others around him do. I see him learning about competitive behaviour with his peers too. My boy is a very bright boy. Gifted in visual spatial learning. He gets great marks and achieves high results quite easily and naturally. So I am not just talking about kids that don't achieve high results at school. I know why he doesn't get the awards other kids do. The results he gets come with minimal effort. And because he does not extent his effort beyond his usual and natural means he doesn't get an award. Myself and his Dad have spoken with him about this and what the school expects from him to be able to get these awards AND we have also let him know that his parents don't expect this from him. That we are happy with him just the way he is.
I understand that a part of raising healthy resilient children means to raise them to be capable beings that fit into, and conform to societies social structures, and be able to bounce back up after a fall and keep going But how much of what we teach them or how we teach them allows them to be their own creative selfs?
As parents most of us use a reprimand and reward system to shape children into our learnt ideas of 'normal'. I think many of us who don't fit that mold, have many times over in our lives questioned 'what is normal?'.
Now I believe people define them selves on the social position they hold. Unfortunately this also happens a lot through their children. When this unconscious thinking happens, reward and reprimand are used more frequently to mold them. So that what the children do, how they behave, who they hang out with and what they become fits into the expectations of a social position. I believe most of this molding happens a lot more through education. Schools. Where they spend most of their little lives.
Schools also use a reward system to gain higher results and efforts from children. Us parents receive report cards to inform us of our children's progress through school. Then to add to the load the schools give out extra 'special' awards to kids that have put in the extra effort beyond their usual means. Now I ask is the extra effort to suit the child or the school and parents?
I have noticed that these awards breed competition between children. Wanting to be the best or better than that child in a particular area. Even if it's not natural for the child. They are unconsciously learning about competition, power and greed from a very young age.
Each and every brain has the capacity to learn about life through their own individual way of interpreting what they see, hear, touch, feel and taste. I have witnessed the unique difference in my own two children.
I would love to see a system in place that rewards and acknowledges each and every child for his or her unique capabilities and growth. For his or her natural understanding of life. Not to feel like he or she is not ok if they don't meet the expectations of the adults around them.
I know some of this may sound like it contradicts building resilience in children. But I have noticed many adults that have suffered bruises as a child through either not being heard & seen or emotionally damaged by having their own sense of self worth diminished by careers and loved ones around them. To then only live out their own lives wondering why life seems to always be so hard or in constant search for healing. Or even repeating the cycle of events on their own children to suffer too.
Everyone wants to feel accepted as who they are and it starts with our beautiful children.
My own beautiful boy is learning through school about the disappointment of not receiving an award as others around him do. I see him learning about competitive behaviour with his peers too. My boy is a very bright boy. Gifted in visual spatial learning. He gets great marks and achieves high results quite easily and naturally. So I am not just talking about kids that don't achieve high results at school. I know why he doesn't get the awards other kids do. The results he gets come with minimal effort. And because he does not extent his effort beyond his usual and natural means he doesn't get an award. Myself and his Dad have spoken with him about this and what the school expects from him to be able to get these awards AND we have also let him know that his parents don't expect this from him. That we are happy with him just the way he is.
Wednesday 7 December 2011
The First Blog Post
Well I think most first blog posts that I have come across start off with the cliche statement of not really knowing how to start off the first blog with perhaps a writers block that unfolds into a personal introduction and some idea of how a blog will unfold over time for each writer. I too could go that way, but I would like to think I could be a little more creative for if nothing other than my own entertainment and achievement of doing more than this.
I too have always wanted to write a blog. But was never really sure if I ever would end up doing it. I have discovered a great little application through the Apple app store on my iMac called 'Day One'. I purposely went looking through the app store for a diary that I could write at my computer. And lucky me, I found one.
I shared this novelty app idea with a friend recently and she had stated that she would feel like she got so much more out of writing a diary by hand. But you know what, over all the years in my life that I have written a diary on and off, the only time I ever really stayed consistent with it for a decent period of time was when I was a young teenager and had so much more time to pour my heart out over a diary. Now that I am in my thirties with a five and seven year old my time is limited beyond anything I ever imagined. I have dabbled in the odd occasion of writing in a diary but never consistent enough to feel like I was getting the most out of doing it. Writing a diary for me has always been like going and seeing my therapist, the non judgmental ear that we all need at times. To feel heard and to get 'stuff' off our chests.
The great advantage I have found with a computer written diary is that I can type so much faster than my hands can write. Therefor I can pour more of my feelings out much quicker and then get back to the tasks that consistently need attention, like my house work or preparing the next meal and getting on with life. And also that no one can accidentally stumble across it and read it.... it's comes with a handy little setting that allows a password protection on it!
After a week of writing an electronic diary I started to wonder if I had anything I could write and share about in a blog. The novelty idea of sharing more than 140 character status update for Facebook where you really just can't share enough sometimes. And it's so easy to misunderstand what is really being said in such a brief sentence. Though I don't want to use a blog as a diary. I have no desire to share a diary with the community that chooses to read it. I know as a teenager I was mortified when my Mother had read my diary. It's more about sharing all the things in life I so passionately share with family and friends. A lot of it I have learnt through reading or personal experience. I find sometimes when I do share interesting knowledge with friends, family or any other ear that may seem willing to listen that it can go in one ear and out another. So I guess if someone takes the time out of their day to read a blog, then hopefully more will be understood.
Some of my greatest passions are human behaviour, psychology, organic gardening, raising healthy, resilient, creative children that feel safe to talk and consistently being conscious in a long term relationship with my life partner. My purpose in this life is to change the cycle of the family dynamics I grew up in (I must say this has proven to be an ongoing challenge for me), create community living again, share all of what I learn with others and always be as conscious as I possibly can whilst living out this wonderful life with wonderful family and friends.
This blog will contain a lot of all of that as I learn it and hopefully achieve some of my purpose through it too. I hope you have enjoyed reading my 'First' blog post.!!
I too have always wanted to write a blog. But was never really sure if I ever would end up doing it. I have discovered a great little application through the Apple app store on my iMac called 'Day One'. I purposely went looking through the app store for a diary that I could write at my computer. And lucky me, I found one.
I shared this novelty app idea with a friend recently and she had stated that she would feel like she got so much more out of writing a diary by hand. But you know what, over all the years in my life that I have written a diary on and off, the only time I ever really stayed consistent with it for a decent period of time was when I was a young teenager and had so much more time to pour my heart out over a diary. Now that I am in my thirties with a five and seven year old my time is limited beyond anything I ever imagined. I have dabbled in the odd occasion of writing in a diary but never consistent enough to feel like I was getting the most out of doing it. Writing a diary for me has always been like going and seeing my therapist, the non judgmental ear that we all need at times. To feel heard and to get 'stuff' off our chests.
The great advantage I have found with a computer written diary is that I can type so much faster than my hands can write. Therefor I can pour more of my feelings out much quicker and then get back to the tasks that consistently need attention, like my house work or preparing the next meal and getting on with life. And also that no one can accidentally stumble across it and read it.... it's comes with a handy little setting that allows a password protection on it!
After a week of writing an electronic diary I started to wonder if I had anything I could write and share about in a blog. The novelty idea of sharing more than 140 character status update for Facebook where you really just can't share enough sometimes. And it's so easy to misunderstand what is really being said in such a brief sentence. Though I don't want to use a blog as a diary. I have no desire to share a diary with the community that chooses to read it. I know as a teenager I was mortified when my Mother had read my diary. It's more about sharing all the things in life I so passionately share with family and friends. A lot of it I have learnt through reading or personal experience. I find sometimes when I do share interesting knowledge with friends, family or any other ear that may seem willing to listen that it can go in one ear and out another. So I guess if someone takes the time out of their day to read a blog, then hopefully more will be understood.
Some of my greatest passions are human behaviour, psychology, organic gardening, raising healthy, resilient, creative children that feel safe to talk and consistently being conscious in a long term relationship with my life partner. My purpose in this life is to change the cycle of the family dynamics I grew up in (I must say this has proven to be an ongoing challenge for me), create community living again, share all of what I learn with others and always be as conscious as I possibly can whilst living out this wonderful life with wonderful family and friends.
This blog will contain a lot of all of that as I learn it and hopefully achieve some of my purpose through it too. I hope you have enjoyed reading my 'First' blog post.!!
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