Reprimand, reward or healthy competition?

Here I am challenging myself to creatively write about a topic on my mind. While trying to respect the diverse thinking in varying minds. Here goes....

I understand that a part of raising healthy resilient children means to raise them to be capable beings that fit into, and conform to societies social structures, and be able to bounce back up after a fall and keep going But how much of what we teach them or how we teach them allows them to be their own creative selfs?

As parents most of us use a reprimand and reward system to shape children into our learnt ideas of 'normal'. I think many of us who don't fit that mold, have many times over in our lives questioned 'what is normal?'.

Now I believe people define them selves on the social position they hold. Unfortunately this also happens a lot through their children. When this unconscious thinking happens, reward and reprimand are used more frequently to mold them. So that what the children do, how they behave, who they hang out with and what they become fits into the expectations of a social position. I believe most of this molding happens a lot more through education. Schools. Where they spend most of their little lives.

Schools also use a reward system to gain higher results and efforts from children. Us parents receive report cards to inform us of our children's progress through school. Then to add to the load the schools give out extra 'special' awards to kids that have put in the extra effort beyond their usual means. Now I ask is the extra effort to suit the child or the school and parents?

I have noticed that these awards breed competition between children. Wanting to be the best or better than that child in a particular area. Even if it's not natural for the child. They are unconsciously learning about competition, power and greed from a very young age.

Each and every brain has the capacity to learn about life through their own individual way of interpreting what they see, hear, touch, feel and taste. I have witnessed the unique difference in my own two children.

I would love to see a system in place that rewards and acknowledges each and every child for his or her unique capabilities and growth. For his or her natural understanding of life. Not to feel like he or she is not ok if they don't meet the expectations of the adults around them.

I know some of this may sound like it contradicts building resilience in children. But I have noticed many adults that have suffered bruises as a child through either not being heard & seen or emotionally damaged by having their own sense of self worth diminished by careers and loved ones around them. To then only live out their own lives wondering why life seems to always be so hard or in constant search for healing. Or even repeating the cycle of events on their own children to suffer too.
Everyone wants to feel accepted as who they are and it starts with our beautiful children.

My own beautiful boy is learning through school about the disappointment of not receiving an award as others around him do. I see him learning about competitive behaviour with his peers too. My boy is a very bright boy. Gifted in visual spatial learning. He gets great marks and achieves high results quite easily and naturally. So I am not just talking about kids that don't achieve high results at school. I know why he doesn't get the awards other kids do. The results he gets come with minimal effort. And because he does not extent his effort beyond his usual and natural means he doesn't get an award. Myself and his Dad have spoken with him about this and what the school expects from him to be able to get these awards AND we have also let him know that his parents don't expect this from him. That we are happy with him just the way he is.