Reprimand, reward or healthy competition?

Here I am challenging myself to creatively write about a topic on my mind. While trying to respect the diverse thinking in varying minds. Here goes....

I understand that a part of raising healthy resilient children means to raise them to be capable beings that fit into, and conform to societies social structures, and be able to bounce back up after a fall and keep going But how much of what we teach them or how we teach them allows them to be their own creative selfs?

As parents most of us use a reprimand and reward system to shape children into our learnt ideas of 'normal'. I think many of us who don't fit that mold, have many times over in our lives questioned 'what is normal?'.

Now I believe people define them selves on the social position they hold. Unfortunately this also happens a lot through their children. When this unconscious thinking happens, reward and reprimand are used more frequently to mold them. So that what the children do, how they behave, who they hang out with and what they become fits into the expectations of a social position. I believe most of this molding happens a lot more through education. Schools. Where they spend most of their little lives.

Schools also use a reward system to gain higher results and efforts from children. Us parents receive report cards to inform us of our children's progress through school. Then to add to the load the schools give out extra 'special' awards to kids that have put in the extra effort beyond their usual means. Now I ask is the extra effort to suit the child or the school and parents?

I have noticed that these awards breed competition between children. Wanting to be the best or better than that child in a particular area. Even if it's not natural for the child. They are unconsciously learning about competition, power and greed from a very young age.

Each and every brain has the capacity to learn about life through their own individual way of interpreting what they see, hear, touch, feel and taste. I have witnessed the unique difference in my own two children.

I would love to see a system in place that rewards and acknowledges each and every child for his or her unique capabilities and growth. For his or her natural understanding of life. Not to feel like he or she is not ok if they don't meet the expectations of the adults around them.

I know some of this may sound like it contradicts building resilience in children. But I have noticed many adults that have suffered bruises as a child through either not being heard & seen or emotionally damaged by having their own sense of self worth diminished by careers and loved ones around them. To then only live out their own lives wondering why life seems to always be so hard or in constant search for healing. Or even repeating the cycle of events on their own children to suffer too.
Everyone wants to feel accepted as who they are and it starts with our beautiful children.

My own beautiful boy is learning through school about the disappointment of not receiving an award as others around him do. I see him learning about competitive behaviour with his peers too. My boy is a very bright boy. Gifted in visual spatial learning. He gets great marks and achieves high results quite easily and naturally. So I am not just talking about kids that don't achieve high results at school. I know why he doesn't get the awards other kids do. The results he gets come with minimal effort. And because he does not extent his effort beyond his usual and natural means he doesn't get an award. Myself and his Dad have spoken with him about this and what the school expects from him to be able to get these awards AND we have also let him know that his parents don't expect this from him. That we are happy with him just the way he is.

The First Blog Post

Well I think most first blog posts that I have come across start off with the cliche statement of not really knowing how to start off the first blog with perhaps a writers block that unfolds into a personal introduction and some idea of how a blog will unfold over time for each writer. I too could go that way, but I would like to think I could be a little more creative for if nothing other than my own entertainment and achievement of doing more than this.
I too have always wanted to write a blog. But was never really sure if I ever would end up doing it. I have discovered a great little application through the Apple app store on my iMac called 'Day One'. I purposely went looking through the app store for a diary that I could write at my computer. And lucky me, I found one.
I shared this novelty app idea with a friend recently and she had stated that she would feel like she got so much more out of writing a diary by hand. But you know what, over all the years in my life that I have written a diary on and off, the only time I ever really stayed consistent with it for a decent period of time was when I was a young teenager and had so much more time to pour my heart out over a diary. Now that I am in my thirties with a five and seven year old my time is limited beyond anything I ever imagined. I have dabbled in the odd occasion of writing in a diary but never consistent enough to feel like I was getting the most out of doing it. Writing a diary for me has always been like going and seeing my therapist, the non judgmental ear that we all need at times. To feel heard and to get 'stuff' off our chests.
The great advantage I have found with a computer written diary is that I can type so much faster than my hands can write. Therefor I can pour more of my feelings out much quicker and then get back to the tasks that consistently need attention, like my house work or preparing the next meal and getting on with life. And also that no one can accidentally stumble across it and read it.... it's comes with a handy little setting that allows a password protection on it!
After a week of writing an electronic diary I started to wonder if I had anything I could write and share about in a blog. The novelty idea of sharing more than 140 character status update for Facebook where you really just can't share enough sometimes. And it's so easy to misunderstand what is really being said in such a brief sentence. Though I don't want to use a blog as a diary. I have no desire to share a diary with the community that chooses to read it. I know as a teenager I was mortified when my Mother had read my diary. It's more about sharing all the things in life I so passionately share with family and friends. A lot of it I have learnt through reading or personal experience. I find sometimes when I do share interesting knowledge with friends, family or any other ear that may seem willing to listen that it can go in one ear and out another. So I guess if someone takes the time out of their day to read a blog, then hopefully more will be understood.
Some of my greatest passions are human behaviour, psychology, organic gardening, raising healthy, resilient, creative children that feel safe to talk and consistently being conscious in a long term relationship with my life partner. My purpose in this life is to change the cycle of the family dynamics I grew up in (I must say this has proven to be an ongoing challenge for me), create community living again, share all of what I learn with others and always be as conscious as I possibly can whilst living out this wonderful life with wonderful family and friends.
This blog will contain a lot of all of that as I learn it and hopefully achieve some of my purpose through it too. I hope you have enjoyed reading my 'First' blog post.!!